my own

break. take a breath, take sit, than cried. well, silly yes, i cried, dunno why, dunno what to do. i just cried, and tried to hate you, more and more.

messed up

this is my last year at high school, next year, i’ll go for university.
my dad force me to go to management. force me. FORCE me. may i decide something for my own life ? i’m not your -whatever-it’s-called- barbie. i wanna go for law or communication. i do not want to study abroad this year, i don’t want to runnin for economics or such of that things, i don’t want to take your business at the future, i don’t want to be what you want. i’m different, ok ? i have my own decision. please, once again, may i decide something for my OWN life ? you’ve made sick for about this hell 2 years runnin for science-suck-program. that time, when i’ve to choose, science or social studies, you said that i’m free to choose my university-program, then now ? you said that i’m not mature enough to make any decision. oh please, for the God sake, i’m tired to fight you dad, i have no power. i’m tired preparing my national exam and the hell another things. my mark doesn’t good enough. i’m not smart enough, i’m not YOU dad.

my relationship ? going well actually, he’s the best for me now. his eyes, his arm, his hair, his hand, everything.
but eum.. i know he love me. i know, no doubt. so, what’s the problem ? hff. hard to say, but i thought i’m not the only one who’s lies in his heart. i felt that, but i can’t say anything, i just eumm.. i can’t say that word. *take a deep breath* loosing him. i wanna be the one for him, the ONLY one.
please, understand me, stop flirting to her, or another girl. i’m hurt when you do that such of things. i’m ugly, green-eyed monster, and naive. :’(

hell, i’m 17th right now, but eumm.. act like i was 13th.